Guest Post: Finding Rest on Retreat
What do we expect from a writing retreat? To get a lot done! To write a new short story! To draft a dozen poems! Maybe. But maybe that’s not what you really need… Here, guest blogger and award-winning writer Anita Allen shares the experience she had at her first writing retreat, what she learned, and how it’s helped her offer knowledgable and caring facilitation through her business Ignite Your Write and at Wild Ground Writing’s upcoming June retreat Still Water: Release Your Inner Writer — Lauren
When my children were young, I found it incredibly difficult to carve out time to write. My three boys are all neurodiverse and back then they needed constant attention. Home life was chaotic. Work life wasn’t much better. Writing was (and still is) my lifeline, so when I had the opportunity to go on my first ever writing retreat I was thrilled. It was a big step for me to declare that my writing was important.
After a whirlwind of planning child care, pet care and days off from work I arrived at the centre which was nestled into rolling green hills feeling a heady combination of freedom, excitement and exhaustion. I could feel the tension dissolving from my neck and shoulders as I walked up the flagstone path that led from the parking area to the lobby. I planned to make up for months of spotty writing by throwing myself completely into my project.
On the first day after our morning group session, we were given two hours of solo writing time with instructions to return and share new material with our group. I headed back to my cozy room and settled in to write. Instead, I fell deeply asleep.
I woke up in a panic. I couldn’t believe I had wasted precious writing time. I felt terrible about having nothing to share in my group. With tears in my eyes, I confessed what happened to the facilitator, expecting disapproval and disappointment. That didn’t happen; she smiled at me, “I think you needed to rest more than you needed to write. You have to fill your cup first and then your creativity can flow again.”
I think of my first retreat experience often when I attend or create retreats. In the intervening time I’ve learned a lot about writing and, in parallel, about nervous systems. Recently I’ve come to appreciate the convergence of the two. We all have nervous systems and I believe that we all can write, no matter what our background or education is.
Our nervous system operates in a highly predictable manner according to Polyvagal Theory*. A healthy system has the ability to move through high excitement, to a balanced/blended state. During times of stress or danger, it collapses into a freeze state, like a turtle pulling itself into a protective shell. Moving between states is like climbing up and down a ladder. There is no skipping a step. We need to generate or expend energy in order to be in the middle. Ideally balance is both dynamic and has a wide range so that we remain relaxed and responsive with just a few, mostly unconscious, tweaks. In some extreme situations, we need to remain at the top of the ladder in order to respond appropriately. At other times, we need the bottom of the ladder in order to recuperate. Movement is a sign of health. Getting stuck in one state, however, isn’t ideal.
You might be wondering how this applies to writing? If we are operating at high levels of stress for extended periods (and who isn’t these days?) we may be anxious and unable to focus. Our system is alert and scanning for threats. If our systems have been revving high, we might find ourselves entering a collapse state as soon as we reach “safety”. For some writers, this can also feel like a “freeze” or “block”. This is exactly what I experienced at my first retreat after living in survival mode for years.
Writers, we are humans and moving through these ebbs and flows is completely normal. Learning about how our individual nervous system expresses itself is helpful because it enables us orient ourselves and take the necessary steps for self-care. For example, if we can recognize when we are in a collapse/freeze state we know that we probably need to rest, reduce expectations and remain self-compassionate. To move back to middle ground, we need to generate some supportive energy by paying attention to the little things that ignite a spark of joy and interest so that we can climb up the “ladder”. If we are in a high revving state and need to settle our system to invite creative flow, we may need physical activity, to pay attention to our breath and find the things that feel soothing and healthy. By releasing excess energy, we can climb back down the “ladder”.
A well-designed retreat and experienced facilitators will create opportunities for participants to find balance through a combination of rest, movement, focus and opportunities to connect with others. This is exactly what happened on my first ever retreat experience. Yes, I feel asleep and didn’t do the writing I hoped to do on the first day. I’m deeply grateful that the retreat leader was such a wise and gentle soul who made me feel safe. And she was right, after I rested, I was ready to write. The remainder of my retreat was productive and restorative. I left feeling re-energized, rested and inspired for weeks afterward.
Imagine coming into a retreat experience that helped you identify what you personally need in order to find your flow and unleash your inner writer. How useful would understanding the needs of your nervous system needs be both during, and after, a retreat?
I am so excited to be able to offer you help in deepening this understanding at the upcoming Still Water Writing Retreat. Set in abeautiful, nourishing lakeside location with lush gardens and a forest labyrinth walk you can relax into a holistic experience that will support you and your writing practice. You can find out more about Still Water here.
*For more information about Polyvagal Theory, created by Dr. Stephen Porges, I highly recommend listening to this podcast