Five Weeks

I’ve been busy all week working on my book and assorted other projects; the grief comes and goes.

It’s been almost five weeks, but I think actually that part of me is still in denial that my brother is GONE. But they say that, don’t they? That it takes a year of passing through the occasions and places of deeper connection, where the memories live – Christmas (ugh), his birthday in late March, visiting Toronto where I’d never go without seeing him, etcetera – before healing can really begin.

I think he’s hanging around. The other night, up at three, as seems to be my way, I went into the spare room and thought, Tim’s here. On the bedside table, for a long time now, since before he died, I’ve kept the Rumi book he gave me for my 28th birthday and so I read that for awhile, and there can’t be much that’s better for easing grief than Rumi.

Being with family helps too, and so I’m really happy that my mom will be here this weekend (and can only wish my sister could have made the trip as well). We’d made this plan quite awhile ago, when I first got an assignment to go to Churchill and asked her if she wanted to come. So, we’ll be boarding the train, cozying up in our sleeper cabins, and chugging north into the subarctic for a few days, including next Thursday when I’ll be too busy spotting polar bears (hopefully) to write my weekly post.

I’ll leave you, then, with this video, taken just a few days ago up in Churchill and good for soothing any troubled heart.

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7 Responses to Five Weeks

  1. Avatar
    Linda Chisholm November 20, 2016 at 10:24 pm #

    Very excited to hear about your trip and so happy that you can be with your wonderful mother, my sister in-law forever!
    I picked out TONIGHT I HEARD, one of Tim’s poems, to share with my poetry group. But I realized I cannot quite yet do that so may save it for January or February, when I might be able to read it without my voice cracking.
    Sending you love and angels to keep you at peace.

  2. Avatar
    Susana Molinolo November 18, 2016 at 12:23 pm #

    Lauren, I’m so, so, so very sorry to read about about your loss, and your grief. When I light a candle I will add you to my prayers tonight. Take good care. I have very fond memories of our time together in Toronto. Warmly, Susana xox

    • Lauren
      Lauren November 18, 2016 at 12:24 pm #

      Aw, thanks, Susana. Same here. Xo.

  3. Avatar
    Laurie November 17, 2016 at 9:24 pm #

    Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you and your family during this time. Your trip sounds fun. I like the cozy train cabin part.

    • Lauren
      Lauren November 18, 2016 at 10:19 am #

      Thanks, Laurie. I’m very excited about that cozy cabin 🙂 Hugs.

  4. Avatar
    Carey November 17, 2016 at 4:16 pm #

    Breaks my heart not to be with you and Mom and have another girls adventure. But, it’s ok. As we are painfully learning, life goes on, one way or another, together or apart, and it’s what we must do. I can’t wait to see pictures and read your words describing, what I hope for both of you, is a soulful journey with amazing memories.
    I love you so. XO

    • Lauren
      Lauren November 18, 2016 at 10:19 am #

      Love you too, big sister. So wish you could be with us but we’ll plan a future trip somewhere warm 🙂 Xoxox.

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