Archive | Contemplations

Marathon

I’m on day seventeen of the Summer of 2017 Finish My Novel marathon and our next door neighbour decided yesterday that he or she needed to start their own marathon. Of jackhammering. This put an end to my quiet working time on the back deck. It even almost triggered me towards an Internet binge session […]

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Changes

Well, here we go: after four and a half years in the beautiful north, we are saying ‘see you later’ to The Pas. Last weekend, in the midst of packing boxes and preparations for our yard sale, J. got a call and, to make a long story short, early this week he was offered a […]

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Breaking Rules

Lately, I’ve been breaking rules. And not in a good way. I’ve been starting the day with my cellphone, looking at my email, scrolling through Facebook, clicking over to CBC or the Guardian to check out the news. Trump, suicide bombers, the traumatizing appropriation debate, residential school deniers, racism, rising Arctic seawater, and my own […]

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Poetry: What’s the Point?

It’s poetry month, and I’ve been doing NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month). Each morning, I grab my phone, check out the day’s prompt, ignore the prompt (usually) and then write a poem or three. Most of them are about my brother (big surprise) or somehow twist their way back to him, meaning, I suppose, that I’m working […]

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Happy Birthday, Bro

I woke at four this morning, and with night around me, the dark, quiet fields outside, I wrote for a little while. A couple of poems came out: one about the sleek black kitten who lives in the house we’re house-sitting on a hobby farm in Alberta, another to my brother whose birthday is today. […]

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Circles and Loops

Grief is not linear. It does not come in stages. It loops back, squiggles forward, circles and dips. Like everyone says (everyone who’s been there, I mean), it comes in waves. Buried in novel revisions, focused on creating, I’ve been doing okay. But then I hit send to deliver my manuscript to my agent, looked […]

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Seven Ways to Stay Sane

Well, now. How’s everybody doing? A little bit of this? A touch of this? Yeah; I hear you. I’m not sure what to say. I could reiterate my own outrage; I could talk about fascism; I could point you to this excellent (and, yes,  frightening) article by David Frum (uh huh, that David Frum, who […]

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The Path

Lately, I’ve lapsed. I’ve let weeks pass without posting on my blog when, for a few years, I’ve managed to keep up the routine of a pretty regular Thursday post. But I hope you’ll forgive me. Life has been so crazy lately – with my brother’s death and my mother’s recent serious surgery (I’m in Ontario […]

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I’m Not Okay (And That’s Okay)

Yesterday, my doctor asked me if I’m “getting past” my brother’s death. It’s only been eight weeks, I said. And he was my brother. In some ways, I’ll never ‘get past’ it. Yes, she said, looking away. We keep them in our hearts. Well, duh. I don’t really need the platitude, thank you very much. […]

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Five Weeks

I’ve been busy all week working on my book and assorted other projects; the grief comes and goes. It’s been almost five weeks, but I think actually that part of me is still in denial that my brother is GONE. But they say that, don’t they? That it takes a year of passing through the […]

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