Archive | Contemplations

Circles and Loops

Grief is not linear. It does not come in stages. It loops back, squiggles forward, circles and dips. Like everyone says (everyone who’s been there, I mean), it comes in waves. Buried in novel revisions, focused on creating, I’ve been doing okay. But then I hit send to deliver my manuscript to my agent, looked […]

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Seven Ways to Stay Sane

Well, now. How’s everybody doing? A little bit of this? A touch of this? Yeah; I hear you. I’m not sure what to say. I could reiterate my own outrage; I could talk about fascism; I could point you to this excellent (and, yes,  frightening) article by David Frum (uh huh, that David Frum, who […]

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The Path

Lately, I’ve lapsed. I’ve let weeks pass without posting on my blog when, for a few years, I’ve managed to keep up the routine of a pretty regular Thursday post. But I hope you’ll forgive me. Life has been so crazy lately – with my brother’s death and my mother’s recent serious surgery (I’m in Ontario […]

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I’m Not Okay (And That’s Okay)

Yesterday, my doctor asked me if I’m “getting past” my brother’s death. It’s only been eight weeks, I said. And he was my brother. In some ways, I’ll never ‘get past’ it. Yes, she said, looking away. We keep them in our hearts. Well, duh. I don’t really need the platitude, thank you very much. […]

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Five Weeks

I’ve been busy all week working on my book and assorted other projects; the grief comes and goes. It’s been almost five weeks, but I think actually that part of me is still in denial that my brother is GONE. But they say that, don’t they? That it takes a year of passing through the […]

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To Write

Since coming home I’ve been working steadily on a novel that was always meant to be for Tim. It breaks my heart that he won’t ever get to see that dedication – for my brother – and to really get how much he meant to me and how much our relationship, often challenging, always complex, also enriching […]

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Wild and Precious Life

Home. Giving myself some time. Taking a few days to rest, process, walk the dog, knit, read, take photographs, sip tea and keep walking this trail… My compatriot, Pam Bustin, put this poem by Mary Oliver up on her blog on Tuesday, and it gave me peace and solace and a finger pointing towards the bigger […]

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How To Keep Your Irons In the Fire

I made a list of all the projects/jobs I’ve got on the go while J. and I were camping this summer. I stopped counting at six. I didn’t include the dozen or so hats I’m hoping to knit in time for the pre-Christmas craft sales or walking the dog, making soups and generally having a life. […]

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Renewal

Last week, in the woods, I became reacquainted with my brain. I remembered who I am. The paddling was tough. Every time we hit a lake, the wind bore down like a creature, pushing two-foot waves at us, and we had long distances to cover. There were whole days of paddling, when my shoulders smarted […]

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Into the Woods

By the time you read this, I’ll be in the woods. Off the Internet, paddling the Grass River as my Blackberry battery slowly dies. Three books (a novel, a poetry collection, and a book of essays), my own ongoing poetry project and my latest knitting project (a sweater for Mo!) secure in Ziploc bags, waiting […]

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